It's Christmas Eve (yes, already).😊

For some people, this time of year feels energising and refreshing.
For others, it doesn't.

Sometimes it's not about anything being wrong.
It's just the intensity of being around family for longer than usual.

And sometimes something is wrong.
No family or close friends.
Loneliness.
A complicated or dysfunctional family.
Or people you're expected to see, but wouldn't choose to be around.

Either way, it can feel like hard work.

You're dealing with history.
Old roles.
Things that never quite got resolved.
Unhealthy dynamics.

Most people try to stay polite.
Performative.
Restrained.
And this isn't rare.

Around 40% of families report open disagreements during holiday gatherings, often over politics, old grievances, or long-standing dynamics.

So even if you're technically on break, part of you is still very much "on".

This helps explain why this time can feel draining, and, for some, lonely and stressful, especially when it's meant to be about relaxation and connection.

What this measures is your ability to stay in control when the room isn't.

That's a skill barristers and lawyers already need when in challenging rooms at work.
This is just a different setting.

A few things that I have learned (and use) that I know will help you:

✅ Not everyone is worth your peace of mind.
Rudeness and insults usually aren't about you.
They're about the other person wanting your reaction.
You don't have to give them one. 
Let silence be your reply; let their poor behaviour linger; your silence shows you're in control and composed.

✅ If someone is rude or dismissive, slow it down.
Pause. Breathe. Repeat back exactly what they said. Calmly and slowly.
Ask one question that puts the onus back where it belongs:
- Did you want that to hurt?
- Did that feel good to say out loud?
The pause and one question seek to highlight and determine the response they are trying to get from you. 

✅ Approach matters more than content in difficult conversations.
Difficult conversations fall apart fastest when you speak before you know where you're going and how to get there.
If you're emotional, pause, as there is wisdom in your long pause or silence, until you can control your emotions so you speak with confidence and assertiveness. 
Remember, confident people don't have to prove anything; they trust themselves and don't overexplain.

You don't suddenly become "in control" at work.
You practise it daily, even when the dynamics are personal.

I've personally found all three essential, personally and professionally, and none of them came naturally.

I had to learn them, practise them, and improve them over time.
Pick one. 
Practice this week.

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