I've seen and experienced leaders, lawyers, and barristers trying to force change through shaming, guilt, blame, humiliation or using their authority to pressure others to change in practice, business, on their teams, and in conflict resolution (including mediation and court).


Sure, it can create lasting change; people quit, top talent leaves, can't attract good people, costs rise in rehiring and retraining, and morale and engagement decrease, causing profits to stagnate or decrease. 


At other times, changes may be short-lived and eventually, people revert to their old ways, becoming more demotivated and unwilling to cooperate, leading to regression.


So 🛑 doing it to yourself and others. 


There are proven ways that work that I use to help people create lasting change that you can implement immediately:

💡 Self-awareness (EQ): Understand your current emotional and mental state and how that impacts your communication, conflict resolution communication, leadership performance, and success. 

✅ Ask yourself: If I repeated shaming, blaming, and humiliating myself (when I make a mistake and others when they do) 100 x more, would my ability to create lasting change (for myself and others) be better or worse (be brutally honest)?

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💡Be mindful of HOW you talk to yourself and the stories you make up about others (it affects how we interact and communicate and lead - missing opportunities for change).

Ask yourself: 

✅ How do I speak to myself in quiet moments? (I'm not good enough or intelligent enough, you'll never be successful as X, and what will people think of you if I do that? This isn't the right time for betterment, you idiot.)...

✅ What stories up or assumptions do I make about others - seeking information we find favourable to what we already think, taking us further away from change.

Know this: your inner dialogue, stories, and assumptions about others will impact what happens outside. 

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💡Celebrate the small wins when creating positive change in yourself and others (and processes or business). 

✅ Ask yourself: Do I often minimise my achievements when good things happen and feel it has to be something huge to acknowledge for myself or others? 

On the other hand, when something bad happens, do I beat myself (and others) up and ruminate for a long time, saying, "I/you should have done better, not good enough....? "


Remember to consistently acknowledge and appreciate your big and small 'wins", not just the ones that receive public recognition, such as court, awards, or significant successes. 


Building upon each win improves your self-belief system....change is possible. This is essential for building momentum and the drive to keep going when hurdles arise. 


Don't forget to strive for excellence when leading change, not just in yourself but for those who rely on you to be your best.

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