I get asked this a lot:
“Aren’t your mediation strategies soft… or manipulative?”
Soft? No.
They’re habits you internalise, so they remain accessible in high-stress environments.
Force is the easy option in mediation.
Manipulative?
Settlements driven by hyper-aggressive tactics: stonewalling, extreme offers (or no offers), artificial deadlines, difficult behaviours, don’t build influence.
They undermine trust.
You might still settle on the day.
But how it was reached gets remembered.
And it affects how your next mediation runs.
Simple issues take longer to resolve.
People don't believe what you say.
They come in defensive.
They protect themselves instead of focusing on problem-solving.
Offers get smaller.
Concessions come later, if at all.
And mediations that should settle, don’t.
Most lawyers prepare the law thoroughly.
That’s not the issue.
What moves a mediation isn’t the legal arguments alone.
It’s how pressure is handled, what behaviour is allowed, and how decisions are made once people dig in.
So if you are wondering if my strategies are soft or manipulative, ask yourself:
Am I building trust or destroying it?
👉🏻If you’ve downloaded The Get What You Want Mediation Preparation Checklist, you’ll recognise that gap.
If you haven’t, that’s the place to start.👇
đź”—Link to download it HERE.
