The real negotiation may be about facts — it may also be about what people need to feel safe saying yes
Every Conversation Is a Negotiation.
Even when you think it’s just information.
Dr E is a prostate cancer specialist.
Respected. Experienced. An expert.
For most patients, he recommended active surveillance — monitor the cancer, act only if it grows.
The data was clear:
✅ It worked for 97 %.
❌ For the other 3 %, it didn’t.
He’d explain the data, provide advice, outline the plan, and send them home reassured.
Then they’d come back — anxious, defensive, ready to argue.
They’d spent nights on Google, searching for counter-evidence, fixated on the 3 %.
“Did they die?”
“Was it painful?”
They’d spoken to friends:
“My frend had the surgery — he said it was fine.”
And despite the facts, many chose surgery anyway.
Research shows ≈ 40 % didn’t need it.
Dr E realised the problem wasn’t with his patients.
It was with his communication.
He was negotiating from logic, data, and facts.
They were negotiating from fear.
The same with law....Law isn’t only about logic.
It’s about fear.
Ego.
Control.
Trust.
And the unspoken need to feel safe while the stakes stay high.
Because behind every client, colleague, or opponent, is a human - there’s an emotion they’ll never admit —and that’s what you’re really negotiating with.
Here’s the truth:
When fear walks into a room, logic alone won’t shift it.
Dr E changed one thing.
Before talking about facts, he asked:
“What worries you most about this?”
That question gave him direction —
what they needed to hear,
and how he needed to negotiate with them.
Unnecessary surgeries dropped 30 %.
The conversations built trust.
We think logic is all that's needed.
But we converse with humans who make decisions based on:
- fear
- uncertainty
- what the facts mean to them
Start by being curious about what people need—and negotiate from there.
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